Clairandean Humphrey & Lor Lacambra - Creative Process Blog
CLAIRANDEAN
REFLECTIONS/ PROCESSES/ ASSOCIATIONS
This process has been a pivotal time in my unmasking journey. I am realizing it is where I create a container of safety and protection as I begin to unravel/clarify what are societal expectations/ pressures and what my desires and uncensored expressions are.
I am reminded of what brought me to dancing which is my relentless thick grief and the discovery that I am neurodivergent through my grief and depression/ anxiety. This is a larger conversation for another time.
Some of the challenges I have been experiencing during this process is not forcing any kind of outcome. Uncovering a way to work and retrieve movement expressions through undistracted moments of stillness. When I say stillness I mean, judgement free spaces, places where I can give and receive compassion. Stillness giving me the undistracted time to reflect my thoughts out loud or journaling or recalling to Lor when we meet. Maintaining/honouring a self pace to meet deadlines, communicating needs while discovering them and not always knowing what they are. Honouring where I am energetically that day. If I was having a lower energy day, or if Lor was having a low energy day, we either make it a shorter session for research/rehearsal or cancel all together or even find another way to approach our session.
This process has been revealing and reaffirming that my creative output cannot be forced and I have been working with the same themes for some years now, always returning to dance. I dance at my altar, and I dance alone, I dance with friends. I dance to share a story that doesn’t necessarily need or have words. There are ways of being that need to be expressed even if it's not understood by others.
Writing about the creative process is a bit daunting in part because it's personal and vulnerable and in part because I find it difficult to speak about practice that doesn’t rely on words, but experiencing. We cringe in revealing our thoughts, our fears, our poetics. While simultaneously immersing myself in the creative process. I find it hard. I find it liberating. It often feels slow and sticky at the beginning, and oftentimes I feel stuck. Through the creation of this piece I am discovering places I need to go because I am scared of them. The stuckness is sometimes the line between strong wants and a fear of being ostracized by what I want.
One of those places illustrating my fear has been in the realms of sensuality, erotic power and sexuality and how they are interconnected and different. How they are uncovered in Queerness showing many pathways of discovering my own personal expression of gender fluidity. Gender fluidity is not something that I talk about as often as I would like.
This piece allows me to reclaim my time and my movement language, my care as Black Queer human. Ways to experience my neurodivergence as a collaborator. I don’t always have the words but often have moves. It is a way of thanking my body for showing up to my life and awakening to where and when I feel powerful to be myself.
KEYWORDS /THEMES I AM THINKING ABOUT:
Depression, anxiety, grief, style, unmasking, neurodivergence adhd, autism , unravel, unfolding, deconditioning, erotic power, eroticizing grief as tonic, gestures, movement as prayer, movement as protection, darkness, wildness, aloneness, mirroring
LOR
REFLECTIONS/PROCESS/ ASSOCIATIONS
My creative process is a sensitive and emotional one. I dance to emote, it’s my refuge, exploration lab, where I come to practice liberation and empowerment.
This piece particularly has given me the opportunity to organize my SAD and my SASSY and research them in new and familiar ways.
I give my body prompts - “Where does sadness, grief, rage, anxiety, shame exist in my body? How about courage, desire, sensuality, freedom, power, play? How do they want to express through the body? What do they need?” And I do my best to surrender to the energy and allow it to move me and inform me.
Co-creating this piece in collaboration with Clair has been a vulnerable, empowering and enlightening process. It has been led by curiosity, compassion and care. We’ve been unmasking and unraveling in front of ourselves and each other. We touch on really sensitive matters, from the impact of our trauma, our liberation and fantasies and give them expression in front of each other. To be radically witnessed like this is brave work, especially as AFAB, racialized queer, neurodivergent folk who struggle with mental health.
— I feel incredibly grateful for this opportunity to look within and envision ways forward with someone who can deeply relate.
As I continue practicing how to dance with my sadness and my grief, I remember the healing power of my sensual expression too. Somehow, whenever I am sad, my sensuality shines a guiding light through the darkness. When I embody my erotic nature through dance, I attune to my sense of center and align with my intuition and confidence. I feel free. I feel empowered. From here, I feel more resourced to belong my sadness. And the more I accept my journey of grief, the more I learn, love and remember all parts of myself.
PROSPECTS: an evening of dance and discussion presents
Sad & Sassy
Created by Lor Lacambra and Clairandean Humphrey
Sunday, October 15, 2023
6:00PM | Door at 5:30pm
Cotton Factory, 2nd Floor
270 Sherman Ave N, Hamilton, ON L8L 6N4
RSVP HERE!