Vik Mudge - Creative Process Blog
Despite what I’m about to say, I love my job. I really do. Inspiring the next generation of artists, teaching dance history and pop culture that I’m enamoured by, watching students grow, collaborate and come out of their shells, the bright lights and nervous energy of dance competitions, man oh man, I love being a teacher. That being said, as a Trans Non-binary person I’ve been finding myself feeling more and more isolated from the industry that I love. I’m learning that this industry does not love me back. For some reason, dance has yet to progress past gendered dance classes, perpetuating unrealistic body expectations and putting an emphasis on sameness instead of artistry. Every day that I show up for my job is an act of rebellion, a big middle finger to the institution that holds no space for someone like me. At the beginning of 2022, I really found myself yearning for something more fulfilling in my work—a break in the monotonous cycle of lesson plans, choreography and goal setting. When I stumbled upon Aeris Korper’s call to choreographers, I knew I had found what I was looking for.
I went into creating an application with absolutely nothing. No concept, no ideas I wanted to explore, no piece, an absolute blank slate. As I completed my application I knew I wanted to create a piece centred around shadows and light but that was it.
Throughout my time creating “Searching for Nothing” I had to learn a lot about letting go. I had to let go of what I thought would “look good” or what I thought was “good choreography”. Instead, with a ton of help from my dramaturg Sid Eilers, I had to create a really distinct look for the movement to make sure each part of my work felt like it was in the same world. I also found myself constantly having to unlearn and let go of the negative self-talk I normally put myself through. It’s easy for me to judge myself and say that something isn’t right or good enough especially when the environment I’m in from day to day does that for me. Sid and I did a lot of discussion and reflection on the impact of negative self-talk, and how speaking negatively about myself does absolutely nothing for me. It’s easy to judge myself but it’s easier to talk to myself from a place of care and encouragement. I would never talk to my students the way I talk to myself, so why do I put myself through that? Sid would never talk to me the way I talk to myself, so what makes me think I deserve to be treated that way?
During my creative process, I found myself constantly changing and reviewing ideas. I journaled throughout my entire process because I simply wouldn’t have been able to keep track of it all. Themes changed, sections and cycles changed, and even how I presented the piece changed in the week leading up to PROSPECTS. This entire process was such a learning experience for me and now that I’ve completed a small project like this, I’m so curious about what goes into creating longer-form and larger-scale work.
My work for PROSPECTS was intended to be a simple story about my understanding of myself and my development into the person I am today. But, as most creative works do, it’s almost completely evolved and changed. “Searching for Nothing” is a piece about enjoying the journey, not worrying about getting from Point A to Point B but just hanging on and relishing in the ride. It’s not only allegoric for my creative process but about my journey between work sectors, and most of all, my journey into being myself.